I have a problem communicating with one of my friends. We have great meaningful conversations, and I feel like she totally “gets” me. We have known and worked with each other a really long time. But we frequently have misunderstandings in conversation.
For example, we are trying to find a solution to some problem. We identify the problem (the vendor is cheating us,) we state our positions clearly (we both are furious at the vendor and are going to find a new one,) we brainstorm solutions (to ensure a smooth transition.) Sometimes, in the course of listening to my ideas, this friend will hear something wrong, and will assume that I am now contradicting or changing the position that I carefully spelled out in the very beginning. She will reproach me for contradicting myself. “But I thought you wanted to change vendors…”
(This offends me, duh, and also makes me feel very impatient.) The fact that she has known me for so long makes it hard for me to understand why this happens.
Going back to the phrase, “hear something wrong,” I mean that to say that she was inattentive and missed something, or I misspoke and used the wrong word, or she couldn’t follow the intricacies of my thought. All of these things are ordinary occurrences in conversations. But my SLE friend, in that same situation would say, “you meant blah, blah, blah, right?” That statement assumes that I have not lost my mind and indicates that she has been following my train of thought.
I am pretty sure that my friend is some kind of IP type.
Does anyone have any thoughts as to what is going with our communication difficulties? Or has anyone experienced anything similar?
For example, we are trying to find a solution to some problem. We identify the problem (the vendor is cheating us,) we state our positions clearly (we both are furious at the vendor and are going to find a new one,) we brainstorm solutions (to ensure a smooth transition.) Sometimes, in the course of listening to my ideas, this friend will hear something wrong, and will assume that I am now contradicting or changing the position that I carefully spelled out in the very beginning. She will reproach me for contradicting myself. “But I thought you wanted to change vendors…”
(This offends me, duh, and also makes me feel very impatient.) The fact that she has known me for so long makes it hard for me to understand why this happens.
Going back to the phrase, “hear something wrong,” I mean that to say that she was inattentive and missed something, or I misspoke and used the wrong word, or she couldn’t follow the intricacies of my thought. All of these things are ordinary occurrences in conversations. But my SLE friend, in that same situation would say, “you meant blah, blah, blah, right?” That statement assumes that I have not lost my mind and indicates that she has been following my train of thought.
I am pretty sure that my friend is some kind of IP type.
Does anyone have any thoughts as to what is going with our communication difficulties? Or has anyone experienced anything similar?
What is behind this communication difficulty?
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